Then Don’t Do That

When I was a little girl I would do this this thing that I am sure made my parents laugh when I wasn’t looking…maybe even roll their eyes.

I would come to them and do this THING. It could be anything. But, it would be very awkward and ridiculous and completely UNNECESSARY.

“Dad. See this? When I pull my finger all the way to the back of my hand it HURTS. Do you see that? It hurts BAD. What is going on? What is WRONG with me? What should I do?”

My dad would calmly watch me do this this THING…again…WHATEVER it is. And, I would probably cry out. Wince. Prove the pain.

And, he would say: “So, you’re saying that when you pull your finger all the way to the back of your hand it hurts?”

And, I would say: “YES. That’s right! Yes!”

And, he would say: “Then don’t do that.”

And, I would feel all the angst frustratingly deflate from my existence.

Oh. Ok.

I think I have such a memory of these instances from my childhood because my own children do this very same thing. They also come to me and show me something that HURTS…and it is awkward and ridiculous and completely UNNECESSARY.

“Mom. See this? When I shove my toes in this direction it HURTS. Do you see that? It hurts BAD. What is going on? What is WRONG with me? What should I do?”

And, I, like my dad, sit there and listen and watch them do this THING…whatever it is…and I say: “So, what you’re saying is that when you shove your toes in this direction it hurts?”

And, they say: “YES. That’s RIGHT. Yes!”

And, I say: “Then don’t do that.”

And, I watch them get frustrated that I am so NOT impressed with their pain. So NOT impressed with their complaint. I so do NOT think they are about to die. So frustrated as I make it be as simple as it is.

“Then don’t do that.”

Friend, I want you to hear me. I want you to know what kind of person I am.

I am a “grab darkness and pain by the shoulders, pull it to me, and stare it down HARD until I see some sort of beauty and meaning in it” kind of person.

I run TOWARDS darkness and pain.

I stare it DOWN.

And, I DARE it to not let me find meaning and beauty in it.

It is ALWAYS there.

Except for when it is just stupid.

And, awkward and ridiculous and completely UNNECESSARY.

I still probably cry out. Wince. Try to prove the pain.

The trick…the WISDOM…is knowing which darkness and pain to stare down…and which darkness and pain to let go.

“So, you’re telling me that when you do THAT, it hurts?”

“YES. That’s RIGHT. Yes!”

“Then don’t do that.”

I don’t know what is causing you anguish these days. I don’t know what is wrenching your gut into pieces. Some of it is probably completely unavoidable. Some of the anguish is likely building the bridge to some sort of newness in your life…shaping the birth canal to new identity.

And, then there are those THINGS. Awkward. Ridiculous. Completely unnecessary.

That place. That song. That social media. That person. That behavior. That show.

“So, you’re telling me that when you do THAT, it hurts?”

“YES. That’s RIGHT. Yes!”

“Then don’t do that.”

Don’t do that, friend.

Don’t do that.

Simple.

And, in these moments…in these spaces…in these instances…you have to be your own parent…set your own boundaries…be so NOT impressed with your own pain. So NOT impressed with your complaint. So NOT think you are about to die.

Even if you get frustrated that it is as simple as it is.

Simple.

Don’t DO that.

Take care of yourself. Find beauty. Meaning.

And, don’t do stupid things.